When someone confides in you about experiencing sexual assault, it can be one of the most vulnerable and difficult conversations they’ll ever have. Survivors often carry shame, fear, and uncertainty about whether others will believe them, and your response in that moment can shape how they move forward and whether or not they feel supported enough to seek help, report the assault, or even pursue justice.

It’s normal to feel unsure of what to say. Many people worry about making mistakes or saying the wrong thing, but the truth is that even small gestures of compassion can make a world of difference. This guide will walk you through how to respond with empathy, what to avoid, and why supportive responses matter. 

Why Supportive Responses Matter

Sexual assault can leave survivors feeling isolated and silenced. When they choose to tell someone, it’s often a leap of faith, or a test to see if they’ll be met with judgment or compassion. Research shows that survivors who receive supportive responses are more likely to seek professional help and report the assault, and these two actions are important parts of the healing process.

On the other hand, dismissive or skeptical reactions can deepen the trauma. Survivors may shut down and question themselves, deciding never to share again. That’s why your role as a listener is so important: you may be the bridge between silence and recovery.

What to Say When Someone Opens Up

So, what exactly should you say in that moment? The most important thing is to convey belief and compassion. It’s also important to respect their choices and avoid pressuring them to make decisions they are not ready to make. 

Here are supportive phrases you can use, along with some practical guidance on how to deliver them.

• “I believe you.” Survivors often fear that no one will take them seriously. These three words can be incredibly powerful in countering self-doubt.
  
• “I’m so sorry this happened to you.” Acknowledge their pain without minimizing it. This validates the seriousness of what they’ve endured.
  
• “Thank you for trusting me.” Disclosure is never easy. Let them know you appreciate their courage in sharing something so difficult.
  
• “You’re not alone.” Reassure them that they don’t have to go through this by themselves, whether that means leaning on friends, family, professionals, or advocacy groups.
  
• “I’m here to listen.” Sometimes the survivor doesn’t want advice. They simply want a safe space to share. Permitting them to talk on their terms helps restore a sense of control.

If a person has decided to talk to you about their experience, appreciate that they consider you a trusted friend and take your role seriously.

Adding Nuance: More Helpful Things to Say

In addition to validating the person’s experience and pain, it is also important to offer encouragement that makes them feel in control of what and how they share, and acknowledges that they could have done nothing to change the situation. 

• “You did nothing to deserve this.” Many survivors blame themselves. Affirm clearly that the responsibility lies solely with the perpetrator.
  
• “It’s okay to feel however you’re feeling.” Anger, shame, sadness, and even numbness are all valid reactions to trauma.
  
• “You’re in control of what happens next.” Whether they want to seek counseling, talk to law enforcement, or simply process in their own time, let them know the decisions are theirs.
  
• “You don’t have to share more than you want to.” Remind them that disclosure should happen at their pace, not yours.

Pressuring the survivor to take more action than they want to, or asking detailed questions about the experience, can make them feel uncomfortable and cause them to close up. 

Why Delivery Matters

It’s not just the words you say, but how you say them. Your tone of voice and facial expressions should all communicate safety. Speaking softly, making eye contact without staring, and avoiding interruptions can help survivors feel genuinely heard.

Follow-up also matters. A one-time expression of support is valuable, but checking in later by simply asking “How are you doing today?” shows that your care isn’t conditional on a single disclosure. Survivors often need ongoing reassurance that they haven’t become a burden by sharing.

What Not to Say (and Why)

Sometimes, well-meaning comments can unintentionally cause harm. Here are some phrases to avoid  and explanations of what makes them problematic:

• “Why didn’t you fight back?” This statement implies blame. Trauma responses often prevent resistance.
  
• “Are you sure that’s what happened?” Asking them if that’s really what happens questions their credibility and reinforces shame.
  
• “You should report this right away.” While reporting is an option, pushing them too quickly takes away their agency. Assault victims already feel a loss of agency due to the assault itself.
  
• “At least it wasn’t worse.” This kind of statement minimizes their experience. Every assault is serious, regardless of circumstances.

Instead of using these comments, focus on listening more than talking. Survivors don’t need you to have all the answers; they need you to show up with empathy. 

Listening without Judgment

Sometimes, the best thing you can say is nothing at all. Silence, paired with attentive listening, communicates presence and care. 

Avoid interrupting or asking for unnecessary details, and accept that a survivor’s story may sound fragmented and highly emotional. Demanding a perfect narrative can retraumatize the survivor.

Body language matters too. Maintain gentle eye contact, nod to show understanding, and avoid crossing your arms or checking your phone. These nonverbal cues reinforce that you’re fully engaged and supportive.

Offering Practical Support

After expressing empathy, you might wonder what comes next. Ask open-ended questions that put the survivor in control, such as:

• “Is there anything you’d like me to do right now?”
• “Would you like me to help you find resources, or would you prefer I just listen?”
• “Do you want company if you decide to call a hotline or seek medical attention?”

Practical support might look like accompanying them to an appointment, helping them write down what happened while it’s fresh, or simply checking in regularly. The key is to follow their lead.

Legal Support and Next Steps

For many survivors, one of the hardest parts of processing sexual assault is deciding whether to pursue legal action. Some may want justice right away, while others may need time before they’re ready. Both choices are valid. 

It’s important to understand that survivors have two main legal pathways:

1. Criminal justice process. This involves reporting to law enforcement and pursuing prosecution. This can hold perpetrators accountable but is often a lengthy and emotionally taxing process.
   
2. Civil legal action. This option allows survivors to file a lawsuit against the perpetrator (and sometimes institutions that enabled the abuse) to seek financial compensation for medical costs, therapy, lost wages, and pain and suffering. Civil cases can also create accountability beyond the criminal system.

Hiring an experienced sexual assault attorney can help survivors decide which action is best for their particular situation. 

Understanding Statutes of Limitations

One key reason to consult an attorney early is the statute of limitations, or the legal time limit survivors have to file a claim. These deadlines vary by state and can depend on the survivor’s age at the time of the assault, when they discovered the harm, and other factors. Missing these deadlines can mean losing the chance to seek justice, even if the case is otherwise strong.

Institutional Accountability

Many assaults occur in contexts where institutions, such as schools, churches, or workplaces, have failed to protect survivors. Civil lawsuits can hold not only perpetrators accountable, but also organizations that ignored complaints, failed to supervise properly, or created unsafe environments. This type of legal action not only supports survivors but also prevents future harm by forcing institutions to change.

How Attorneys Support Survivors

Beyond navigating the law, a compassionate attorney protects survivors from retraumatization. At Edwards Henderson, we:

• Serve as a buffer between survivors and intimidating institutions or defense lawyers.
• Prepare clients gently for depositions or testimony, ensuring they feel supported every step of the way.
• Work with trauma-informed experts to strengthen the case and support survivor healing.
• Pursue compensation that helps cover counseling, medical bills, lost income, and long-term recovery costs.

We help survivors reclaim their voice and empower them with the tools they need to move forward with their lives. 

Legal Action as Empowerment

For many, pursuing justice isn’t just about money; it’s about reclaiming power. Survivors often describe legal action as a way to have their voices heard in a system that too often silences them. By holding perpetrators and institutions accountable, they help create change for others while also finding closure for themselves.

If you or someone you care about is considering legal action, know that compassionate, confidential help is available. Our team at Edwards Henderson is dedicated to advocating for survivors and helping them explore their options without pressure. Contact us for a free and confidential case review and learn how we can help you fight back.  

Encouraging Professional Resources

Beyond legal help, survivors may benefit from professional counseling, medical care, or support groups. National hotlines like RAINN (1-800-656-4673) can connect survivors with confidential resources. Local advocacy centers often provide counseling, crisis intervention, and accompaniment during medical exams or court proceedings.

Encourage these options gently, but don’t pressure. The goal is to remind the survivor that help exists and that they don’t have to carry this burden alone.